Week 4: The Happiest Place on Earth?

On February 8, I went to Downtown Disney with a group of guys for a photoshoot. This was the first photoshoot I had in a while. Taking portraits at night is tricky because you are battling with the lack of light and I had to work around it. I must use an ISO of 1600; I know for those who know the basics of photography, this is not a big deal, but I am skeptical on bumping up the ISO. Turns out, I learn how to edit around grainy photos, thanks to my photo professor. Also, it helps that Downtown Disney has lots of good lighting, especially the windows. It ended up working out, and I had a blast.

But, while preparing for the photoshoot, I began to ponder about my emotions. I thought about the possibility of me not being the person I hope to be, or worse -- being someone I wish not to be. I wonder about Disneyland being the supposed "Happiest Place on Earth." I was nowhere being happy, regardless the fact I was not alone for this week's practice. Prior to the photoshoot, I told myself, "I am always at a war against myself. Does anyone know or care if I am fighting to become a man of God, whom people love? Or at least become someone my future wife (if there is one) would love and appreciate?"

Suddenly, while taking these photos and writing these poems, not only have my confidence boosted up as an artist, but I believe I got the upper hand of this war. Of course, these thoughts keep coming back to me, but for once, I felt like I can tell myself that I have a future. While these poems and photos depict the thoughts I have about being alone or being someone I do not want to be, I can tell you it's more of a therapy session.

Special thanks to Nathan Jensen, Alex Minney, Isaiah Oommen, and Chad Williams (all photos from the photoshoot will be on the Urban/Contemporary portfolio.

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“Mirror”

When I look at the

mirror, I see this man and

give the bird to him.

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“Monster”

The monster in the

blue mirror is not the man

I hope to become.

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“I Will Grin…”

I will grin, even

if the night falls and the road

is too dark to see.

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“The Happiest Place on Earth”

I flee to the happiest place on earth

At around quarter before twelve at night;

I had company, though I’m the lone wolf;

I am wandering in Mickey’s city

To pursue for the joy I desire.

I long for the happiness Disney holds.

Before the clock struck midnight, I long for

The true happy ever after on earth.

Like the lovers around me holding hands,

I hope I will enjoy the fairy tales

Walt Disney constructed for all to hear

And wish to own for as long as they live.

I have undervalued my four allies,

Whom lifted me up from the witch’s curse.

I’m on the pursue of Cinderella,

As I’m in doubt if my own fairy tale

Has a happy ever after. But I

will enjoy the happiest place on earth.